22 years

Happy Birthday with Jesus baby girl! You are so loved and so missed! We are going to honor your memory with our Christmas traditions tonight. You are in our hearts always. I love you so much and cannot wait to be with you again. Happy 22nd Birthday Heather.

Love always,

Mom

IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW

If you could see me now you wouldn't shed a tear.
Though you may not understand why I am no longer here.
Remember my spirit, that is the real me...
I'm still very much alive; I've just been set free.
Oh, if only you could see!
I have beheld our Father's face and I've touched my Savior's hand.
All of Heavens angels rejoiced as I entered the Promised Land.
Beyond the gates of pearl, I've walked on golden streets.
I've touched the walls of jasper and dipped my foot in the crystal sea.
The beauty is beyond words and nothing could compare,
I've even seen your mansion....
and someday, I'll meet you there.
Let Jesus be your guide
because His word will show you the way!
So please don't cry for me...
because we will meet again someday.

~Patsy Stambaugh Deskins

Another Year Passes

December 3rd passed quietly. We didn't make it back to Iowa to put flowers on your grave. I know you aren't really there but it makes me feel better. I sometimes think that enough time has passed that it should get easier but it doesn't. It is so very hard to put flowers on your child's grave when you wish you could be celebrating her birthday with a cake, candles, balloons, presents, family and friends...the works. You would have been 21 years old this year. Legally an adult. It makes me sad to look back and try to imagine all those firsts that you and I will never share. No first cry, no first smile, no first giggle, no first tooth, no first step, no first day of school. No scrapped elbows or skinned knees, no baking cookies or sharing a story. No first boyfriend, no first kiss, no learning how to drive and no Prom. Your dad and I will never dance at your wedding or bounce your children on our knees. But through the sadness my dearest angel I remember there is hope. I know that you are in a much better place and that Jesus tenderly cares for you. I know that you are with your grandmother who loved you so much. I know with certainty that we will be together again one day. Our God is an awesome God. He does not break his promises and always keeps his word. I miss you with all my heart and will always love you. Happy Birthday baby girl!

I Will Always Love You

Your fingerprints are on my heart.

Even though I never held your hand -
you touched me.

Even though I never heard you speak -
you taught me.

You taught me about love.
You taught me about caring.
You taught me about courage.
You taught me about faith.
You taught me about happiness.
You taught me about sorrow.
You brought me closer to my loved ones.
You brought me closer to myself.

In the time I cared for you,
my how life changed.
Never to be the same again.

Because of you
I know I will somehow be stronger.

Because of you
I know I will be more prepared for life.

All this from tiny fingerprints
that touched my heart.

Because of this
you will live forever in my soul -
never to be forgotten.

I will always love you.

You are my child.

-Author Unknown

Remembering

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending that she doesn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine."
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

-Elizabeth Dent

Heather's Stone

Heather's Story

Mike and I were married January 24, 1986 and we got pregnant right away. We went through the usual emotions. We were scared, doubtful, and full of joy. It was such a new and exciting time in our lives. We were adjusting to being married and now a new baby was coming. We had no clue there were any problems. My doctor kept changing my due date. I had undiagnosed pre-eclampsia more commonly called toxemia. An ultrasound done on December 1, 1986 revealed that our precious child had died. My labor was induced early on the morning of December 3, 1986. Heather Michelle Myers was born at 7:27 p.m., weighing 10-lbs. 13-½ oz. And 22” long. She had beautiful long dark hair and looked just like her daddy. The autopsy revealed she was 42+ weeks gestation and probably died due to post-maturity (being too far overdue).

The first year following Heather’s death was a blur for me. Around 85% of all marriages that suffer the death of a child end in divorce. I know we had a rough time for awhile. I couldn’t seem to let go of my grief and Mike buried his. We finally realized that men and women grieve differently. We began to talk and help each other out of the black hole we had fallen into. We survived some pretty bleak odds with our marriage and our love intact. Surviving your child’s death makes you stronger. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in October 1987. I felt much better within a month of treatment and within three months I was pregnant again. We have gone on to have two successful subsequent pregnancies. We feel very blessed to have two healthy children.

The intensity of the pain has lessened over the years. However, you never get over the death of your child. Heather was a part of us and a part of each of us died with her. You learn to go on with your life and to live it the best that you can, but your life is different and takes on new meaning. We will never be the same. We have survived the single worst tragedy that can happen in anyone’s life. We had to. If you have experienced the death of a child our sympathies are with you. Please feel free to e-mail us if you would like to talk with someone who has been where you are now.